The story of a little gray cat that saved my life.
Our pets are more than just that. They become members of our families, our companions, and best friends.
I do not want to bother you too much with my sad story. I am sure you have one to reflect upon as well. That being said, I do want to touch upon that last event that made me go into therapy.
My cat died.
I know, it is a cheap hit. Extorting an emotional reaction with the death of a beloved animal companion. Such a cliche.
Hey, what can I do, it happened.
That little gray cat saved my life. One day she showed up in front of my door. Back then I was living in a small apartment, that was in the back yard of a house. When I say a small apartment, I mean really small. Think of it more like a medium-sized closet with a bathroom.
I gave her something to eat, as she was nice and cuddly. Little did I know that she was also pregnant. So the next day she wakes me up by jumping on my window and meowing. I opened the window and she jumps right in.
A few months later, I have 4 kittens and a mama cat living with me. All of the kittens got adopted, by my friends, and Lizy stayed with me.
She bonded with me. I moved to a bigger apartment, and she went with me without a problem. I never had any issues with her.
Lizzy was the most well-behaved cat in the world. Never jumped on the table, never damaged any furniture, never peed out of the litter box.
When I was feeling down, when I couldn’t find a reason to get up from bed I still had to feed Lizy, had to give her water, clean the litter box. And by the time I would finish, I have already, kind of, started the day.
On the days when I couldn’t find a reason to care about myself, I just started with caring about someone else.
In return, this little creature did not judge me, did not make me feel guilty or unwanted. She showed me how to live. To give affection when you want to, to ask for it when you need it, and to not apologize for either.
She was with me for about 4 years, and then tragedy struck.
I was living in a crappy apartment. Yes, it was bigger, but still kinda crap. It had an open space ground floor and a small bedroom in the gallery. The room was so small that I could stand up fully only in one part of it. I had to slouch a bit to move around.
The roof window was decent enough to hold the rain out, most of the time, but could easily be opened with the slightest push, and it would turn completely around leaving a slight opening on one side.
I do not know why or how it happened, but Lizzy opened the window and climbed to the roof.
I was at work until 2 AM, doing my graveyard shift as tech support in a call center for Wallmart hell desk. (the P is missing on purpose)
I came home around 2:30 AM.
Lizzy was nowhere to be found. I panicked. Perhaps she hid in one of the closets. I pulled out all of my clothes.
Nothing.
A cold sweat came down my back when I saw the window. I called her name. Perhaps she was stuck on the roof.
Nothing.
It has been raining that night.
I ran down the six flight of stairs and out to the street. I called her name.
Nothing.
I ran to the back yard of the apartment building.
A week and faint meowing.
Found her in the grass. She was lying there in the dark.
PIcked her up. I hurried back up to the apartment.
She tucked her little head in the fold of my arms.
I placed her gently on her favorite blanket. There was blood. I could not see any wounds. It was coming out of her mouth. Internal bleeding.
I started making phone calls to all the vets I know. Noone picked up.
Finally a voice.
I described the situation.
“Make her warm, make her comfortable, she will not make it until I get there. if you have the courage, hold a towel tightly over her mouth and nose, ease her pain.”
Motherfucker. I wanted to kill him. I wanted to grab his heart through his asshole and push it out of his mouth.
I tried doing what he said, but couldn’t muster the physical strength to finish it. I held the towel but just couldn’t hold it tight enough.
She crawled to the bathroom. To this day I don’t know why.
She laid there on the bathroom floor. Fear was in her eyes.
I was crying. Everything I have ever felt in my life came pouring out. I was choking with tears.
I covered her with a blanket.
Did not know what to do. I called a friend who lived in the building across the street. He was on his way.
I got down on the floor, next to my dying best friend and just started gently scratching her behind the ear. It was a ritual we had every morning when she would come to wake me up.
The pain was unbearable.
I wanted to go with her.
At some point, the doorbell rang. It felt like eons have passed.
I got up to open the door.
We came back to the bathroom.
She was gone.
At least her pain stopped.
Mine has nearly just begun.
I couldn’t fall asleep.
From that point and for the next 3 months I was barely able to sleep for more than a few hours a week.
The pain became constant.
I was fainting at work. Since I was barely sleeping and was working night shifts often, sugar was the only fuel that kept me running.
I ended up insulin resistant — with latent diabetes. My insulin would jump so high that I would end up hypoglycemic, and faint.
I needed to make large changes in my life or I would die.
And for some reason, after a long time, I did not want that.
I would not let this take me.
I started caring and feeling for the first time in a long time.
The pain made me feel again. I was no longer numb.
It is just that the price for that awakening was a life. Perhaps for someone that is only a cat, something replaceable. For me, Lizzy was irreplaceable. More than just a pet. She was the last piece of truth in my life. Everything else was a farse.
Did I hit rock bottom?
I certainly felt like I did.
Was that true?
No, not really. It could have gone way, way deeper.
Rock bottom is signing out forever. This is something you want to avoid, right?
The good news is that you do not need to reach rock bottom. Just close enough would do fine.
Look, I know life is shit right now, and I am not going to be one of those people who will tell you that it is gonna be better.
Life on earth is pretty shit, and there is nothing you can do to change it. What you can do is to learn how to deal with all the crap, be healthy, and perhaps find some happiness.
For that to happen you must ask for help.
Do not wait to lose someone as I did.